The Year of the Blood Clot

Doing some spring cleaning and stumbled upon my old medical paperwork from 2007, AKA the Year of the Blood Clot.

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In 2007, I was busy painting the entire interior of my condo. That coupled with my workout mania, led to a blood clot forming in my upper right 1st rib/clavicale. But being young and dumb, I didn’t know I had a blood clot. I just had an arm that would swell up as I worked out, then go back down. No big deal, I thought. Boy was I wrong. After a few weeks of my observation, my cousin said “GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW”. I had no idea what I was in for. I was scared literally to death. Thought I was going to die. To add to this fear, it was the Friday before Memorial Day. The hospital was empty. The doctors saw me, then sent me home with a DVD to learn how to inject myself in the stomach with blood thinners. Seriously?! I think I cried for 2 days straight. Momma came to comfort me.

The doctors assured me I would be fine, but a battery of tests were coming my way. The overly organized person I am, I started a folder and a spreadsheet. It went to every appointment with me tracking my health. Once I was calm about the blood clot not ending my life, they say “We saw spots on your lungs we want to check out.” OH SHIT. I’m dying again. I am healthy. I don’t smoke. What the hell is this about? Cancer? Well, basically everyone in the Midwest has had Histoplasmosis at some point. It makes spots on your lungs. You’d think you had a cold but in real life, you have a type of lung infection caused by inhaling fungus spores found in soil and in the droppings of bats and birds. WTF. I was told it’s just in the Midwest air. Lovely. Bring on the CT scans.

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Clearly had my clothes on during that scan! But it proved I do have a heart! A soul? That’s still up for debate. So now I think I’m in the clear again. Until the day I realize it’s been 5 days since I pooped and I was getting uncomfortable. Tried pills from both ends. Nothing worked. Called the hospital and they said, come to the ER now. Son of a bitch!

Because I was off birth control, my ovaries started firing again. Firing so much a cyst formed blocking my intestine. Add that my hematologist was not properly monitoring my clotting factor levels. Normal level is 2.0-3.0, I was 7.5 INR! Signed up that day for a new hematologist.

My blood was so thin. After 2 IV bags and several restroom trips, I headed home exhausted. Many rounds of follow ups occurred that year. End result: No more birth control, get an IUD and you don’t have an genetic clotting issues. I just happened to win the fluke blood clot lottery one day in May 2007. 10 years ago.

At least I got all these cool scans of my innards. Check me out and enjoy the added music to lessen the creep factor!

If you need a

*Hematologist
*Vascular Surgeon
*Pulmonologist
*Gynecologist
*ER Doctor
*Allergist

I know people. Now, I need to go paint my bathroom. Not kidding.